In light of this week’s program focus, let’s take a long, lingering look at the word “Coach” and just what it means.

It comes to us from the small village of Kocs in Hungary, where back in the 15th century some enterprising individual invented a carriage that was a dramatic improvement over the existing modes of transportation – it became wildly popular all over Europe and took it’s Hungarian name kocsi szeker, literally meaning a carriage of Kocs with it.  Now, how did a sports trainer get associated with a carriage of Hungarian villagers?

Well, it’s metaphorical … you see university students in 19th century England likened their instructors to carriages, "conveying" the students through their classes and exams. The "instructor" sense was applied to sports trainers somewhere around 1885.  And if you do the math, the coaching fraternity has had about 122 years to figure it all out. Some, like John Wooden, Harvey Penick, Bear Bryant and Pat Summit got it right from the git go and have led lives we all admire and given us student/athletes who have gone on to greatness.

Then there’s our subject this week, Todd McCorkle, the disgraced golf coach at Georgia – who just didn’t get it – Todd, you’re supposed to have your team stay at the Hilton in Paris, not view sex tapes of Paris Hilton. And it’s underarmor you provide your players with not underwear assessments click, clack – got it?  As for the flipping of hair, patting of butt and rubbing of back – in golf we have a unique device for preventing those gross breaches of conduct … it’s called a driver, it’s 44 inches long and that’s just how far a coach should keep his hands from his players!

If the word coach comes from a precursor of the bus, then I’m happy to see Todd McCorkle thrown under it!  Hey, Todd you’ve earned both an unplayable and untouchable lie … so take a penalty stroke and play on – somewhere else!

So I’m watching the newly named Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill and feeling sorry for Rocco Mediate.  At the same time, I’m marveling at the performance of the eventual winner Vijay Singh, who, Dan Hicks on NBC tells me, is notching more wins after 40 than any other golfer in history, passing Sammy Snead for that unique line in the record books. And with that mention of the slammer, my mind wanders back the straw fedora, the long fluid swing and the fabled ability to kick the top of a doorway -- and, in his later years, Sam’s joining Gene Sarazen and Byron Nelson as one of the Holy Trinity of honorary starters at the Masters. With Lord Byron’s passing they’re all gone now to laugh and play together as newly minted young men in the big major in the sky. 

And then my squishy feelings of revelry are abruptly brought to a swift and unpleasant end when Jimmy Roberts asks Arnie if he’s going to accept the role of Honorary Starter at this year’s Masters and his reply is a hesitant “I’m thinkin’ about it … I’m thinkin’ about it very seriously.” 

Then my mind does an abrupt about face to Marlon Brando sending an Indian princess to collect his Academy Award and George Scott’s refusing to accept his at all!  There is no greater honor in the film world than winning an Oscar and I have to believe that there is no greater accolade in our sport than to be asked to succeed a slammer, a squire and a lord – especially if you’re a King! 

Arnie, what greater time could there have been to announce your acceptance than last week at the tournament the PGA put your name on – at Bay Hill, your Castle! For this disappointing show of ambivalence, you have earned a royal unplayable lie, so your majesty, take a penalty stroke and play on!

Just for fun, let’s all do a little math, shall we? First number, 39, that’s the total number of events on the PGA Tour this year.  With Calc’s unlikely victory last week 11 are in the books, do the division and you get a little over 28 -- that represents the percent of the season that’s gone by … just a smidge over a quarter.

Now if you do the same math for the participation the world’s number one, Tiger Woods, the result is a pathetic 5% -- he has a total of 7 rounds of completed tournament play in 2007. Although he’s in the field this week at Arnie’s place, and you have to also remember that in the old days if you refused a King’s invitation, they cut your head off -- what’s the typically elusive Tiger’s reward for his lack of consistent participation on the tour that made him the richest player in golf’s history? Chastisement? Suspension? Why no, the tour gives him his own tournament to be held over the July 4th weekend in our nation’s capital – with the charity of record being (surprise) The Tiger Woods Foundation!

The tournament will be called the AT&T National and, on the bright side, part of the tournament’s mission is to recognize those serving in our armed forces … a further tribute to Tiger’s father, the Late Earl Woods, a green beret who served with distinction in Vietnam. 

But there’s another troubling thought circulating within our game … if you want Tiger to play your tournament, and that will raise attendance, you have to consider designating the Tiger Woods Foundation as your charity of choice! He’s got three tournaments in his bag now and could go for a grand slam – with that combination of unseemly rarity and undeserved reward he earns his first unplayable lie of 2007 – so Tiger, take a penalty stroke and play on!

So, I’m out at Riviera, post Nissan, with our resident Hall-of-Famer, Amy Alcott, and the conversation wends it’s merry way around to the subject of why golf courses have 18 holes.  Sure sounds like an arbitrary number, like why is the pitcher’s mound 60 feet 6 inches from home plate or the hoop set at 10 feet … we can only guess that the balcony in the Springfield Mass gym where Dr. Naismith hung the peach basket when he invented basketball was 10 feet off the ground. 

Well, the story Amy heard was that a bottle of whiskey contains 18 shots and that the liquid libation’s magic number was the determining factor. Romantic to say the least, but truth is a 1 liter bottle of the olde dew contains 23 snorts, and lord knows we don’t need 23 hole courses or you’d be out there overnight at the current pace of play.

Fact is, it was a real estate issue – there was only so much land available between the town of St. Andrews and the sea and so, when they were done measuring that stretch that linked (from whence the term links comes) the land to the sea, they had just enough room for 18 holes.  Pity – if they had only come up 500 yards short, think of what woulda happened … golf courses would have 17 holes and Leftie would have another major and the Nissan in his bag. So, you, Angus McTavish, and that lost clan of hearty Scots who laid out the Old Course, you’ve earned an historic unplayable lie, take a penalty stroke -- and a wee dram -- and play on.

OK, call it a fixation, the preservation of a legend’s legacy, or just plain stubbornness, but I can’t get off the streak – no, not Tiger’s 7 consecutive PGA Tour Stroke Play victories that Tim wants us to believe will threaten the amazing 1945 season of Lord Byron, but the other streak … the one that’s bustling with bucks and accompanying busts! It’s Tiger’s streak of 5 straight losses in appearance fee tournaments outside of the United States -- Including his most recent Swedish swoon to Henrick Stenson in Dubai!   And, he didn’t tee it up at the Crosby Clambake and wasn’t at the Nissan .. which also begs the question, if there’s a tournament and you don’t enter, see Pebble and Riviera, is the streak still on life support?

If you’re 0 for 8 like Tiger is at the Nissan, and want to keep the suspect streak alive by avoiding Riviera isn’t it tainted? While it’s true that Nelson did miss a tournament during the run of 11 straight in 45’ – he was nursing a shoulder injury, not skipping an event.   And you have to realize that all of this was accomplished while driving between events on bad back roads in well-worn vehicles --- no squadrons of Gulfstreams or fleets of yachts to ferry the few between million dollar weekends.

So, what does this rancor all mean? It means that the legacy of Byron Nelson is even more remarkable .. he played for one reason only … to amass enough money to buy his beloved Fairway Ranch in Roanoke Texas, to which he retired at 34 and where he lived till his death.   So, Tim – Tiger – and Sean McManus, you’ve earned an unplayable lie – take a penalty stroke,  here in the US of A, and play on!

OK, call it a fixation, the preservation of a legend’s legacy, or just plain stubbornness, but I can’t get off the streak – no, not Tiger’s 7 consecutive PGA Tour Stroke Play victories that Tim wants us to believe will threaten the amazing 1945 season of Lord Byron, but the other streak … the one that’s bustling with bucks and accompanying busts! It’s Tiger’s streak of 5 straight losses in appearance fee tournaments outside of the United States -- Including his most recent Swedish swoon to Henrick Stenson in Dubai!   And, he didn’t tee it up at the Crosby Clambake and wasn’t at the Nissan .. which also begs the question, if there’s a tournament and you don’t enter, see Pebble and Riviera, is the streak still on life support? If you’re 0 for 8 like Tiger is at the Nissan, and want to keep the suspect streak alive by avoiding Riviera isn’t it tainted? While it’s true that Nelson did miss a tournament during the run of 11 straight in 45’ – he was nursing a shoulder injury, not skipping an event.   And you have to realize that all of this was accomplished while driving between events on bad back roads in well-worn vehicles --- no squadrons of Gulfstreams or fleets of yachts to ferry the few between million dollar weekends. So, what does this rancor all mean? It means that the legacy of Byron Nelson is even more remarkable .. he played for one reason only … to amass enough money to buy his beloved Fairway Ranch in Roanoke Texas, to which he retired at 34 and where he lived till his death.   So, Tim – Tiger – and Sean McManus, you’ve earned an unplayable lie – take a penalty stroke,  here in the US of A, and play on!

I don’t know about you, but as the season moves along, I keep asking myself, where are the women?  The guys have played 5 times, including hi-profile events like the Sony – Hope – Buick and AT&T … and the Ladies? One obscure team event in Sun City, South Africa! I miss Annika … I want to see if Lorena is as dominant as she was in 06’ And how about a comeback for Paula, Brandie’s progress, Natalie’s first win and Christina’s mindset? Not mention the old guard. Julie and Pat and Meg, can they still win, will Laura gain Hall of Fame status and Se Ri, Karrie and the Kim clan all 14, or is it 15 of them? Now I know that the tours don’t run simultaneously and that it’s advantageous for the LPGA not to have an event opposite the Hope or AT&T, but please don’t wait till mid-February to tee it up for the first time.  Why even Michelle, in her never-ending, and quite successful, quest to become the worst woman golfer to ever tee it up with the guys, had a go in Hawaii!   You know it’s a little bit like baseball starting American League play in April and National League in June – why, there’d be no World Series! And, what makes it worse is that, as you heard at the outset, the LPGA Tour is much more dynamic and exciting than the PGA where it’s Tiger, the bogus streak, and is he gonna play next week to keep it on the ventilator, cause’ it sure ain’t alive!   So, LPGA Tournament Committee, your scheduling sloth that’s deprived us of the better tour to watch, is a most unplayable lie, take a late penalty stroke, and play on! 

It’s time to call Bud Selig, the esteemed commissioner of Baseball, and see if he’ll do us golf fans a favor and let us borrow the asterisk that resided for so many years next to Roger Maris’ home run record. Bud, we need the star-shaped symbol to place next to Tiger Woods record of 7 wins in a row that the PGA is trying to foist on us as a threat to the late Byron Nelson’s amazing streak, THE STREAK, of 11 in a row.  Or even, to a lesser extent, Ben Hogan’s 6 in a row that we’re supposed to believe Eldrick eclipsed last weekend at the Buick at Torry Pines.   First of all, both Lord Byron’s and The Hawk’s streaks took place in one calendar year … even Tiger himself, a good friend and admirer of Mr. Nelson, reminded us that he’s lost once in Europe and twice in Asia since the bogus streak tally began back in 2006. And this has led to a subtle, and perhaps not terribly well noticed change in the way his recent string of victories is being labeled – as a streak of consecutive PGA tournament wins. And, to make things even worse, rumor has it that Tiger, in Dubai for untold millions of appearance dollars, might not even be in the field for the Nissan Open. And, if he loses in Dubai and doesn’t tee it up at Riviera … is the streak still intact?  I’m sure the PGA would want us to believe so – and Tiger himself isn’t doing anything to change that perception … for faking a fallacy and dishonoring a legend, the PGA has earned this week’s unplayable lie – Tim, take a penalty stroke, with a well deserved asterisk next to it, and play on!

With the official start of the LPGA season a few weeks away, Clayton Alexander made a bee line for the LPGA Commish's front door. Hello, Carolyn?

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The 2007 golf season is officially underway and you'll be surprised to see who I have selected to receive this year's first Unplayable Lie. Well, maybe you won't.

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